If You Love Me, Let Me Go
by AlekFoxx
Summary: Another fic based around Slipknot's 'Snuff', this time with Ianto and Owen... Might make more to it, depends on how people go with part 1


So when exactly was it when he fell for the foul-mouthed medic? Maybe it was one of those moments when he'd found himself pressing into rough hands that were being oddly soothing, careful, soft moans emanating from his vocal cords rather than the ones that felt like they were practically ripped from him. Owen had noted the change. The medic definitely noted it. They didn't argue nearly as much, he'd catch stray smiles cast in his direction, which really, he couldn't help but return because they actually warmed his heart. He found himself going to the Welshman a little more regularly to get that intimacy that he actually knew how to express. They were warming up to one another.

One could even call it love.

But when that was duly noted in his thoughts, the medic forced the thoughts away. No, he didn't want to think of what they had like that, because that meant it would result in something painful and he didn't want it to result in something painful because he hated the pain that came with the word.

But then Ianto told him how he felt. He told him and it… It was…

Fuck, he felt it too?

Fuck….

_**FUCK!**_

He'd panicked, and that was why he'd left. He'd gone to his flat, resorting to alcohol abuse, downing a good amount to himself late into the night. He'd gotten sick countless time in the time between his drinking start and the two-thirty in the morning drunken call to the Welshman. He was panicked, angry, terrified.

He was in love.

When the Welshman had answered after the third try, they both sat in silence with phones to their ears. Owen wondered if Ianto was crying, the emotions tripled by the alcohol, knowing that he'd end up crying himself and that would be out of his control. But he was the one who broke the silence.

"Why do you love me?"

More silence before Ianto answered, "it just happened…"

Just happened? Just fucking happened?! God fucking dammit! Owen clenched his teeth. While yes, it was a valid reason, what he'd wanted was to be lied to. 'You know, I thought about it and I don't love you. Piss off.' That was what he wanted. He swiped a dry tongue over equally dry lips as he squeezed the phone a little.

"If ya love me so much, then ya better let me go. You know what this job entitles," he slurred.

"Owen, are you drunk?" Yes. "So what? I need t' get this out." He swallowed as he listened to slow, deep breathing as Ianto tried to keep himself calm.

"Are you scared or something?" Fucking terrified.

"Why th' fuck would I be scared? Jus' fuckin' shut th' hell up an' listen to me," the drunk growled into the mouthpiece as he leaned. "If ya love me as much as ya claim to, why don't'chu jus' let me go? Run away now because yer fallin' in love for nothin'."

Was it obvious that he was lying? It seemed to be, seeing is how Ianto had a bit of doubt to his voice. "Are you lying to me?"

"Why th' fuck would I be lying to you!?" Little by little, his voice rose, clenching the bottle of rum tight in his fist, though not tight enough to even remotely damage the cheap glass bottle. "I'm tellin' you this because it's a waste'a fuckin' time. Yer jus' gonna end up hatin' me all th' more than you did before. There isn't anythin' here for you to love, Jones! 'M a heartless cynic who only used you fer sex. If you leave, you won't destroy me. Jus' get th' fuck out've my life! Hate me again! That way I can fuckin' be by myself!"

He swallowed thickly as he wet his lips and he heard a frustrated sound come from Ianto's end. When there was silence, Owen wet his lips and started off again, "even if it wasn't a lie, I don' deserve you anyway. Katie an' Diane both stole m' smile long ago an' I sure as fuck know I can't change from that. I don' know how to love—"

"How do you know?" The interruption was abrupt.

"If I can then I hope I never know."

By now, there were those predicted tears, steady, silent streams that rolled from inner orbitals as he held the phone to his head. He wondered if Ianto had gotten to that point too.

"… I noticed it when I started imagining kissing you," Ianto murmured, "not the usual kiss we have. When they're all teeth? No… When they're slow, intimate. Just a bit of teeth to get me closer to arousal… When I was able to start imagining that was when it happened. I never thought I'd hear myself saying this, I really didn't, but it feels like I need you, you've become something that is necessary and it's ridiculous because just a few bloody weeks ago, I fucking hated you. And now that I am big enough to admit this, what, you're going to go off and refuse to fight?! I see the smiles in return, Owen!" It was a steady rise while he spoke, but when he'd finally stated the medic's name, he practically shouted it, his blood starting to boil.

"Refused to fight what!?"

"I know you share it! Do you think I've not taken the last few hours to think about your reactions?! Seriously! Why the hell are you acting like this?! Why the hell are you refusing what could be a good thing!? Why are you refusing my— no, _our _love?!"

Owen swallowed thickly as he listened to the quicker breathing and he held his breath and then Ianto was the one to continue on, "you couldn't hate enough to love and even if you could, your hate wouldn't be enough. Even if it was, at least I don't hurt my friends."

Oh, that was a bit of a low blow. "I never claimed to be a saint, ya tosser!" Owen shouted, screaming more at the hurt than he was at Ianto, "break yerself over this because y' know what? I fuckin' pity you! First fall in love with a woman-turned Cyberman, a twat who hits on everything that walks an' a cynic that'll never love you back." Goddammit, Harper, why the hell are you lying!?

That's right, it was the fear.

"You pity me!? Ha! Bloody hilarious!" Ianto barked out a sort of 'fuck you' laugh, "spit your pity on my soul all you want, Owen. Do me a favour and quit selling me out to save yourself! If you're going to call me absolutely tanked and yell at me, I'm not going to listen! You're the same as everyone else! If you're going to run from this, you're as bad as Diane trying to get back to her own time; you're running from the inevitable!Quit fucking lying to keep control!"

They sat in long silence, Ianto seething as he squeezed his phone, Owen just staring blankly. He rose the bottle to his mouth and took a long drink, letting fumes out with a heavy sigh before pulling the phone back and looking at it.

"If you still care, don' ever let me know."

He hung up and his heart clenched painfully in his chest as he flopped over, face in the cushions as he broke. He really hoped Ianto knew he did it because the booze. Even if it was a subconscious thought.


End file.
